While growing up trying to recover from the ravages of paralytic polio and enduring years of abuse at the hands of family members, I harnessed the power of my imagination to see a future different from the hell I was living in. When I wasn't honing my intellectual prowess to immerse myself in school work, I watched TV. I had superpowers like Batman and could fold my arms and blink or twitch my nose to transport myself to another world following the lead of I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched. I never fancied myself a princess and since I had contracted paralytic polio at the age of 5 could never wear high heels or going to the ball kind of glass slipper shoes.
Dissociating from my body helped me to survive those growing up years but by the time I got to mid-life, my lack of connection to my body and lack of self-care led to a mind/body/soul crisis. I was given the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease in December of 2006 (for those of you who are not regular readers of my blog).
I reconnected to the Divine, rekindling my deep connection to Source that I was blessed to experience at an early age, and Divine Guidance flowed through the power of my pen which became my Divining rod for healing. I started writing poetry!
As an aside, here's the back story to my theory of why poetry and why poetry in the cadence of Dr. Seuss emerged from my Being after the diagnosis. From "The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953":
Miss Holly sat next to me in the waiting room and asked me to choose a Dr. Seuss book from the array of Dr. Seuss books spread out on the round coffee table next to my chair. My legs were outstretched; my left leg bore the hip to ankle metal leg brace inserted into my red polio shoes. My crutches were propped against the wall behind me. She read Dr. Seuss to me in the waiting room, led me into the treatment room and removed my leg brace. She placed heavy hot wool blankets on my legs. To this day I cannot bear to wear anything that is made of wool. As she coaxed my muscles and nerves back to health, she recited the first line from the Dr. Seuss book I had chosen (invariably “The Cat in the Hat”).
“The sun did not shine it was too wet to play…now it’s your turn.”
“So we sat in the house all that cold cold wet day.”
“I sat there with Sally….we sat there we two…your turn.”
“And I said how I wish we had something to do…”
We would recite in tandem throughout the treatment. She was a physical therapist ahead of her time. I often wonder what inspired her to use the rhythm of the poetry to distract me from the painful treatments. She tenderly put my leg brace back on after she finished the treatment. She commended me on my courage as she wrapped her hand around my hand on my crutch, and led me into Dr. Moskowitz’s office. He evaluated my progress, monitored me for scoliosis and gave me exercises to do at home. Picking up marbles with my toes was excruciatingly painful and difficult but even at my tender age, I loved the challenge of it all.
The first poem I wrote was called "Running the Race" from "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibility":
And then I felt a stirring in my second chakra (only then I didn’t know it was my second chakra – I thought it might have been something I ate). I went over to my laptop in the corner of the living room and I wrote this poem:
Running the Race
Early summer 1959 my kindergarten year
Everyone around me filled with nervous fear
Despite the Salk vaccine hope polio would disappear
The polio virus crept right up and knocked me in the rear.
Dancing all around the gym feeling free just like a bird
I dropped to the ground just like a stone
and no one said a word.
The pain it was so searing-the diagnosis even worse
"It's polio" the doctor said...he was abrupt and terse.
Called one of the 'lucky ones' I had a 'mild case'
But with the other athletes I could never keep their pace.
Miss Holly physical therapist,
curly hair and a warm, broad smile
It tempered the pain of being apart - to walk I'd take awhile.
I always wore those 'special' shoes
the kids they poked and teased
With no support and much abuse
with childhood I wasn't pleased.
But put nose to the grindstone and learned all that I could
I couldn't kick a ball but my grades were always good.
Years went by and no more thought to polio did I give
I accepted the limp and everything else
and decided my life I would live.
But symptoms of weakness and muscle pain did grow
I kept a stoic face hoping no one else would know.
Life no longer was my own I struggled through each day
Suffered in silence, isolated from friends-
trying to keep depression at bay.
And with the grace of glorious God my world it opened wide
I discovered there was a Post Polio team
and they were on my side.
Using wheelchair to travel, set limits on what I could do,
Resulted in joy to realize I could live life anew.
Celebrated my body- creaks, groans and need for a brace
While in my mind I focused on winning a 10K race.
Sought out paths for healing and my spirit flew free
For the first time in life, I could truly be me.
The chains are gone and possibilities abound
I'm a tree with my roots planted firmly in ground.
I'm now off the sidelines, no need to sit and whine
So much gratitude fills my heart and love and beauty shine.
After all these years I can join the loving human race
I exceed all expectations and now I set the pace.
I sobbed to write those words. I had never spoken about polio or the abuse I endured. I became curious. Why am I writing about winning a 10K race?
That was a VERY good question!
It foreshadowed my 2009 Boston Marathon run. Poetry poured out of me inspiring mind, body and soul to heal as I imagined myself running unencumbered and free.
These past 12+ years since I left behind my award winning career as a VA social worker to go on a quest to heal my life have been filled with trials and tribulations but so many more triumphs and running adventures!
After crossing the finish line of the 2019 Harvard Pilgrim Finish at the 50 5K, and seeing the View from the Top, I plan to run happily ever after!
The journey of transformation:
From my heart to yours
In Health and Wellness,
Mary
Be sure to visit my website at www.marymcmanus.com
Hear my interview with Kendra Petrone on Magic 106.7's Exceptional Women Show by following this link
My books are available on Amazon and "Feel the Heal" and "The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953" are available in Natick Center Cultural District at Paula Romero Dunbar's Celebration Boutique Paper Fiesta coincidentally located on Mile 10 of the Boston Marathon Route. Proceeds from the sale of books for July are being donated to The Joseph Middlemiss Big Heart Foundation to support Tom's Falmouth Road Race. You can also donate directly by following this link.
