Trust the Process of Life: Releasing Fear and Anxiety

During my run this morning, I reflected on quotes I read in the news about parents fearing for their lives and the lives of their children if schools reopen. I put those quotes in juxtaposition with a quote that "just happened" to pop up in my memory feed from Louise Hay:
"Fear comes from not trusting the process of Life to be there for you. The next time you are frightened, say: 'I trust the process of Life to take care of me.'"

And remembered the above quote by Helen Keller.

Living a life in fear for me is not living!

I've known adversity and trauma since I was 5 years old when I contracted paralytic polio during one of the last polio epidemics in the United States. I endured years of abuse at the hands of family members from the time I was 8 until I was 17 when my father ended his life. I learned to trust in something greater than myself when I had an out of body experience shortly after contracting paralytic polio and being under the care of my mother who was addicted to prescription pain medication.

I was touched by grace time and time again despite the horrors I endured during my father's alcoholic rages.

I was blessed by earth angels in the guise of teachers and guidance counselors to support the intellectual prowess I developed to cope with the chaotic home life. The diagnosis of Post Polio Syndrome at the age of 53 was my wake up call and provided me with the opportunity to at long last heal my life and become a creator of my life.

All the wisdom I have garnered through my healing journey during these past 13 years is serving me well during these chaotic and turbulent times.

Being able to go out on a run in nature is a blessing where I experience nature and life:


The sweat and endorphins wash away any sense of worry or fear.

From the soon to be released "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life Volume II":
After a Run

After a run troubles melt away
a once tight chest filled with dread and fear
opens
overflowing with joy and gratitude.

Thoughts tossed and turned
restless night
greatest feat
first step
crossing front door threshold

Exhaustion exhumed
vibrancy returns
hitting my stride
connection to Source
bathed in sunlight
beads of sweat
a fountain of joy and freedom

After a run
troubles melt away as sweat pours from pores
all that remains
sweetness of summertime
a reminder
born to run
free!

While initially, I felt fear and panic during lock down and needed to heal wounds that were reopened, I increased meditation time, started writing poetry again, and remembered what Mark Twain once said:


Fear and worry can inhibit the immune system and wreak havoc on the body.

From Dr. Joe Dispenza who was a great source of inspiration to me after a serious knee injury in December 2014:

If you believe your thoughts and feelings have an effect on your reality, the moment you react to external events with survival emotions, you begin putting more of your attention on them, and if you’re putting your attention on these events (events over which you have no control), you’re giving away your power to them. Every time you react with fear & anxiety because fear and anxiety are emotions & emotions are energy, they only serve to feed the next moment of unrest. What we need to learn how to do in this moment of history is to be in the stillness—to become the eye of the hurricane. The eye of a hurricane is a place of calm, around which spins the storm. We become the eye when we pull ourselves out of the chaos and into the present moment. This is, after all, why we do all the training we do—because it’s in the eternal present moment where all of creation is engendered. By regulating internal emotions independent of external conditions, this is how we begin to master our environment.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
While we need to be cognizant and vigilant of injustices in our society, I would encourage you from time to time to disconnect from the news. If you don’t want to completely disconnect, then be a force for adding light and love to those social feeds. Better yet, in your day-to-day life, perform a random act of kindness for a stranger, call someone you haven’t talked to in a long time, forgive someone or forgive yourself for something you’ve been holding on to. At the very least, be loving & kind to yourself and those around you, because everyone is going through their own challenges♥️

There was another wonderful quote I heard from Elisa Goldstein, Ph.D. "In times of uncertainty, focus on what you are certain of. One thing we are certain of is that we need to take care of ourselves and each other." I run, meditate, eat healthfully, hydrate, practice gratitude and share feelings with my friends and family while also celebrating the miracle of my life. I also limit my exposure to the news.

I know of our bodies' tremendous capacity to heal as I have seen countless times over and over again in my own life and the stories of others. You can read The Tenth Anniversary of How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body by Dr. David Hamilton, Dr. Joe's You Are the Placebo and Becoming Supernatural or books by Bernie Siegel, MD to read these stories of healing and transformation harnessing the power of the mind/body connection. They also write about studies where fear was instilled by physicians and patients' bodies listened to what they were told about their diagnosis and prognosis.

While I wear a mask, social distance and wash my hands, I also choose to trust the process of life and co-create health and well being regardless of external circumstances or appearances.

To be inspired and motivated by my journey from being told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond, be sure to visit my website at www.marymcmanus.com

My books are available on Amazon

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary

All Clear

After the events of 4/15/13, we were ordered to shelter in place in the greater Boston area while law enforcement personnel tracked down and captured the person responsible for the bombings. We kept the TV on and while we had a group meditation on Facebook and kept taking deep breaths throughout the day, there was a sense of when will we be given the all clear to resume our lives.

We've lived through several major New England blizzards where we were told to stay home except for essential travel to allow crews to clear the roads. During the winter of 2014, we had snow storm after snow storm with no end in sight. We had ice dams and as water poured through ceilings and doors I was left to wonder, "When will this ever end?" Of course it did. Spring came and our homeowner's insurance took care of the repairs. We had a more energy efficient home with new paint and no more ice dams!

During the past 3 years, as our daughter endured multiple hospitalizations with no clear diagnosis or treatment plan I wondered, "When will this end? How will it end?" I had faith that sustained me throughout those times of dire crises and we all made it through to the other side.

I marvel at our resilience!

As we receive news of ever changing circumstances, there is a sense of "When will we receive the all clear?" As I experienced waves of anxiety, I watched a video by Dr. Joe Dispenza that you can watch by following this link and saw this post:

It seems so unnatural to make these types of choices in the midst of such conditions, but if we repeatedly succeed, in time we’ll transcend the norm—and we, too, become supernatural. And most important, by your being supernatural, you give others permission to do the same. Mirror neurons fire when we observe someone else performing an action. Our neurons mirror the neurons of that other person, as though we were performing the same action. For example, when you see a professional dancer dancing the salsa, you will dance the salsa better than you did before. If you watch Serena Williams hit a tennis ball, you will hit the ball better than you did before. If you observe someone leading a community with love and compassion, you’ll lead in your life in the same way. And if you witness someone self-healing from a disease by changing his or her thought processes, you’ll be more prone to do the same❤️

I called my dear friend and womanpreneur Paula Romero-Dunbar, owner of Paper Fiesta. We bought a gift card. I checked in with my hair stylist to see how he was doing and if he wanted me to prepay for my next visit with him. He was deeply touched by my reaching out to him and told me he was able to ride this out even though the salon is closed. We are checking in with friends and neighbors on Facebook and in real life. While we are mandated for social distancing, we are practicing emotional closeness, kindness and compassion!

Ruth Anne and I went on an almost 4 mile run today because the weather was glorious and focused on the blessings that surrounded us:


I only skim the headlines for the "breaking news" that comes into my inbox.

We take extra meditation breaks throughout the day and often pause to say at least 3 things were are grateful for.

While part of me feels the anxiety that comes with these chaotic, confusing and unprecedented times wondering when will the "All Clear" come, I realized that the All Clear is right now:

All Clear
When clarion calls and sounds all clear no need to sit and wait
time for healing transformation creating destiny and fate.
All clear and cleanse the heart and mind a voice to light the way
shine instead of whining the mandate of the day.
Tho panic fills the headlines let cooler heads prevail
adversity storms passing compass of kindness adjust our sail.
Imagination fired up dark clouds we now can clear
knowing deep within our soul there's nothing now to fear.
Light beckons in the clearing stand firm in Truths Divine
drowning out the din of dread love beams brightly shine.
All clear an inner peace takes hold deep breaths a wave of calm
emanates from faith and trust allowing healing balm.

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary

Be sure to visit my website at www.marymcmanus.com

My books are available on Amazon

Look for the Gift

After receiving the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, I knew that if I were going to heal, I had to find the gift in the challenge; from when I originally contracted paralytic polio and then after the diagnosis.

One of the first poems I wrote after the diagnosis was:

The Gift of Polio from "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life"
Thank you God for the gift of polio that brought me so close to you
while paralyzed I saw your face no matter what I’d do
Many wonderful healers you sent them to me at age 5
perseverance and triumph life’s lessons learned
but my Spirit could not yet thrive.

At age 53 the gift was sent to me a second time
having time to sit and feel to heal I started to rhyme.
The second time felt worse than the first
yet your love and wisdom I found
out of pain and weakness and fatigue a remarkable spirit rebound.

Reliving all the trauma of special shoes and such
I discovered remarkable healers who brought a loving touch.
I had no clue I had such strength and the ability to grow
no matter what the outcome deep gratitude I show.

This gift so precious I live a new life gratitude flows from me
my heart and soul are filled with grace each day’s a gift from thee.

One of the greatest gifts I experienced during these past 12 years of healing from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma has been to bear witness to the power of the mind/body connection. Through partnering with the Divine, and working with my body in recovery, using visualization as I wrote poetry I was able to transform mind, body and soul from a survivor of polio and trauma to a thriver and a runnergirl!

After having been told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, possibly needing a feeding tube, a sleep apnea machine and prepare for a rapid decline in neuromuscular functioning as I aged, I was in awe to discover that I was NOT my diagnosis and that resilience and strength and recovery were mine for the asking and the doing.

Despite living with a spinal cord injury from polio and a neuromuscular condition, I've been blessed to have had very few falls. I was told to be extremely cautious of falls because I was at risk for a fracture. The first big spill I took was while training for the 2016 Bermuda Half Marathon as I wrote about in this blog. Despite hitting the asphalt square on my hips, I only chipped a tooth and had some serious scrapes and bruises. I was fine. I went on to finish my 6.5 mile training run that day.

I found the gifts in that fall and moved forward successfully training for and running the Bermuda Half Marathon despite warnings from physical therapists and a physiatrist that I needed to give up running and prepare for a total knee replacement after a serious knee injury in December of 2014.

I was blessed to witness my body heal after the knee injury, and quickly recover from the fall and experience resilience and strength.

Recently, my left foot caught on the asphalt and I lost my balance. In that split second as I tried to reach for a guard rail along the side of the road to steady myself, I missed and with outstretched arms hit the ground. Fortunately it was mostly dirt and gravel. I felt my rib kiss the ground and scraped my right elbow and knee.

I righted myself knowing I was fine; telling my body I was fine and went on my way.

I alternated ice and heat and took ibuprofen to reduce swelling and manage the pain. Right after the fall I instinctively knew to remove my wedding band as I watched and felt my left hand swell and turn black and blue and purple. I instinctively knew nothing was broken and if I had broken my rib, there was nothing that could be done for it anyway.

During this past week, I once again found the gift in the fall. I was once again blessed to witness the miraculous mechanism of healing that is an integral part of our bodies. I used Dr. Joe Dispenza's mantra, "The Power that made the body, heals the body." I was in a lot of pain and discomfort at times and needed to modify my workouts and runs. I experienced all of this as a gift. I trained so hard for several events during the past several months and this was a way for my body to say, "scale it back a little."

I saw my chiropractor, Dr. Lizzie Sobel last Thursday. She confirmed that nothing was broken and released my body's natural capacity to heal through the art and science of chiropractic. I was astonished to experience a release on my right side after the treatment!

All of the bruises have dissipated and the scrapes on my elbow and knee are well on their way to healing. The muscle sprain on my right side continues to heal and it's such a thrill to notice the shifts as my body knows exactly what to do to heal.

Throughout my quest to heal my life, I've discovered the gift of being able to shift my perspective from focusing on the wounds of my past to the profound healing that happens when we allow the Divine into our lives.

When challenges happen, as they must because they are a part of life, tame the challenge and look for the gift. You'll be sure to find a treasure trove of grace.

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary

Be sure to visit my website at www.marymcmanus.com

Hear my interview with Kendra Petrone on Magic 106.7's Exceptional Women Show by following this link

My books are available on Amazon and "Feel the Heal" and "The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953" are available in Natick Center Cultural District at Paula Romero Dunbar's Celebration Boutique Paper Fiesta coincidentally located on Mile 10 of the Boston Marathon Route.

A Leap of Faith!

When I announced the release of "The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953" on Facebook, one of my VA colleagues who continues to serve those who served as a nurse practitioner said, "Congrats. I so admire you."

I responded with, "Thank you Gale. That means the world to me! So hard to believe it was 12 years ago when I sat in your office and told you what was going on and that I was leaving the VA ... I had no idea where I'd be today. So blessed to have worked all those years with you and to continue our friendship today. Be blessed"

Gale replied, "I remember thinking that day I could not do that. But you are proof you can. And I too appreciate all you did and welcome our continued friendship."

The Team I worked with at the VA were very concerned (and rightfully so) about my somewhat hasty decision to leave my award winning career at the VA just 3 years shy of retirement.

They didn't see the behind the scenes work I was doing preparing to leave after I was given the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, a progressive neuromuscular disease according to Western Medicine. I hadn't quite planned to leave on May 25, 2007 but the Universe gave me an extra nudge to make changes in my life with an abnormal mammogram. I harnessed the power of my mind/body connection and used visualization to dissolve a breast tumor and then gave 6 weeks notice. At first, my nurse manager was extremely supportive but when "reality" set in, became quite concerned about my future.

I withdrew all of the money from my retirement account, clutched a soon to be published poetry book and sat on my lawn on a beautiful May day wondering "What had I just done?"

I knew I had to leave my job to heal my life although at the time really had no idea what that meant.

I loved my work serving those who served and their families and I vowed that the day I could no longer give 100% to my veterans and their families, I would leave. I was heart broken I had to leave my career and my beloved veterans and their families but I was suffering. I could no longer provide the standard of care that I had dedicated myself to for 19 years.

I was scared about what my future held and wondered, given the grim prognosis if I even had a future.

But writing poetry and imagining myself running a race, dancing in the rain and feeling healthy, whole and free had already put the wheels in motion for healing.

I hired a personal trainer after being discharged from Spaulding Rehab Outpatient care wondering if I could get a little stronger. Her answer to my wondering:


It was another leap of faith defying what the medical community told me..."If you use it you will lose it."

In February of 2008 I took a giant leap of faith declaring I would run the 2009 Boston Marathon to raise money for Spaulding Rehab.

My running adventures with trials, tribulations and triumphs were filled with leaps of faith at every turn.

Every time I took a leap of faith, and followed my bliss:


As I wrote in "The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953":
The deck was stacked against me. Without warning, on June 3, 1959, I dropped to the ground in Kindergarten class. Three years after contracting paralytic polio, shortly after coming out of my leg brace, my father became alcoholic. Nine years of emotional, physical and sexual assaults followed until he died by suicide when I was 17 years old. In December of 2006 I was diagnosed with Post-Polio Syndrome and told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair.

In many ways, my life has been like an adventure movie. I battled evil, and fought for my life. Every time somebody told me I shouldn't or couldn't do something, I turned around and said, "Watch me now."

Never tell me the odds!

Taking that leap of faith on May 25, 2007 took remarkable courage and a lot of support from my husband, Tom. In many ways it was a crazy thing to do since I had no real plan for what was next in my life.

Adventures beyond my wildest imaginings were waiting for me after I took that first leap of faith:


I am deeply blessed and grateful that my mind, body and soul are healed from the effects of paralytic polio and trauma and I can bear witness for others to see what is possible when you let go of fear and trust that something wonderful lies on the other side of that leap of faith.

To your health and wellness
From my heart to yours
Mary

Be sure to visit my website by following this link.

My books are available on Amazon.



“The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953” takes you on Mary McManus’ healing odyssey from a wheelchair to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond. After the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome in December 2006, Mary got still and asked for Divine Guidance tapping into the powerful connection she experienced to the Divine from an early age. She harnessed the power of her mind to heal her body, feverishly writing poetry in which she imagined herself healthy, whole and free from the shackles of her youth. Mary’s quest to heal her life led her to the sport of running. Her story is one that will leave you cheering for the underdog, discovering the meaning of different ability and experiencing the stunning view from the back of the pack of a race. You will have the privilege of bearing witness to how Mary overcame every challenge that life presented to her. The sport of running provides the backdrop for her journey of transformation from a survivor of childhood paralytic polio and severe trauma at the hands of family members to a woman who embodies faith, grace under fire, courage, determination, endurance and resilience. Running became a way of life for Mary that tested her mettle while forging friendships to last a lifetime. As you’ll discover in “The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953” nothing, not even a serious knee injury in December of 2014 could stop her on the roads or in her life.

Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life


Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing Hope and Possibility that chronicles the first 7 years of my healing journey:


Going the Distance: The Power of Endurance (With a Foreword by Jacqueline Hansen):


My healing journey using the power of visualization is featured in David R. Hamilton's book, "How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body-Anniversary Edition." It's available on Amazon.