Living with someone with a severe psychiatric illness can be a crushing experience, especially when that person is your daughter. The illness began 5 years ago and for the past 3 years has been unrelenting. Since January 2018, she has been hospitalized 9 times with a continuous decline in her ability to function. It is heartbreaking to witness this. One of our dear supporters said to us that we are doing God's work by having her live with us yet emphasized how important it is for us to take care of ourselves.
I have experienced many crushing blows throughout my life. This morning as I was stretching out before our strength training workout, I felt as I had after the death of my nephew by suicide in 2011 when it felt as though life had given me a knock out punch.
I thought about these quotes from Rocky:
I got in touch with how far I have come healing the effects of paralytic polio and trauma in my life. I am well trained to run the Finish at the 50 5K at Gillette Stadium on Wednesday. Tom and I have missed out on many races and events during these past 3 years while caring for our daughter. We tried everything we could to support her recovery sacrificing our own quality of life. We realized that if there is any hope for recovery it has to come from some place deep within her heart and soul in combination with a treatment team that sees her fire and desire to recover so they can respond in kind.
As I sat on the floor feeling utterly exhausted and defeated, ready to not run on Wednesday, feeling the weakness and pain in my body, I realized that I have a choice!
Since I was 5 years old I have defied the odds. After the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, I was told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Like the bumblebee, I should not have been able to run and certainly not run the 2009 Boston Marathon. After a very serious knee injury in December 2014, I was told I'd need a total knee replacement in a few years and had to stop running. Instead I went on to run 3 Bermuda Half Marathons in as many years.
Can you say resilient?
I was compassionate and loving toward myself as I felt the crushing blows of the past several years while awakening to the Divine within and around me.
I have learned much from my quest to heal my life and the most important thing I have learned is:
I fired up a sense of hope and confidence in my ability to heal, transform and transcend from the crushing blows I have experienced in my life, most recently witnessing what has happened to our daughter as a result of severe psychiatric illness. I got excited for Wednesday's festivities and for spending most of the week with Tom. We made plans for the Fourth of July. We did a deep cleaning of our home opening the windows, turning on floor fans to circulate the air and changing linens.
This week we celebrate freedom and independence! While we have no control over the circumstances in our lives, we get to choose our response. After I became aware of how I was allowing circumstances to affect me, I changed course in my mind.
I am fired up and ready for Finish at the 50 and for creating a beautiful summer this year.
Let freedom ring!
From my heart to yours
In Health and Wellness,
Mary
Be sure to visit my website at www.marymcmanus.com
Hear my interview with Kendra Petrone on Magic 106.7's Exceptional Women Show by following this link
My books are available on Amazon and "Feel the Heal" and "The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953" are available in Natick Center Cultural District at Paula Romero Dunbar's Celebration Boutique Paper Fiesta coincidentally located on Mile 10 of the Boston Marathon Route. Proceeds from the sale of books for June and July are being donated to The Joseph Middlemiss Big Heart Foundation to support Tom's Falmouth Road Race. You can also donate directly by following this link.
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