I tend to skip over Father's Day as a holiday especially since our children are now 31 years old. I would acknowledge that my biological father seared me with scars but that I am strong and resilient and have overcome the odds of thriving after paralytic polio and severe trauma at the hands of my father and other family members.
From "The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953":
The deck was stacked against me. Without warning, on June 3, 1959, I dropped to the ground in Kindergarten class. Three years after contracting paralytic polio, shortly after coming out of my leg brace, my father became alcoholic. Nine years of emotional, physical and sexual assaults followed until he died by suicide when I was 17 years old. In December of 2006 I was diagnosed with Post-Polio Syndrome and told to prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair.
In many ways, my life has been like an adventure movie. I battled evil, and fought for my life. Every time somebody told me I shouldn't or couldn't do something, I turned around and said, "Watch me now."
Never tell me the odds!
“Out of our deepest wounds we find our greatest strength, our most beautiful treasures and the knowledge that love is far greater, and more powerful than any experience we endure.” ~Mary McManus
I have been blessed with wonderful loving and supportive dads through the years. My first earth angel dad, at the age of 10, was one of my camp counselors at Badger Day Camp, Joseph Stetz:
I opened the car door at CVS yesterday and saw a penny on the ground.
"Look what's here," I said to Tom.
"Wait there's more."
There were Five Pennies!
We couldn't decipher the dates on most of them but 1963 and 2007 stood out. I was 10 years old in 1963. In 2007, I took a leap of faith leaving my award winning career as a VA social worker at the height of my career to heal my life.
But I knew it was more than the dates that held symbolism; it was The Five Pennies.
I was incredulous as I remembered the movie "The Five Pennies" with Danny Kaye. It's a semi-biographical story about a jazz musician Red Nichols who had a band, "The Five Pennies" because five pennies equal a nickel and his name was Nichols. He was at the top of his professional game when "disaster struck". His daughter contracted polio.
We watched the movie together and my father sobbed! I remember sitting in the theater next to him. It was incredible to see the soft and tender side of him again that I had seen during the early days of when I contracted paralytic polio before he became alcoholic. Because my mother was addicted to prescription pain medication, she was unable to care for me. He would take care of me and got me to the best rehab doctor in New York. Yet when I was 8 years old, alcohol turned him into a madman. When he emerged from his alcoholic stupor he would always apologize to me.
The first line of his suicide note read, "Please forgive me for what I am about to do but the prospect of prison doesn't appeal to me and I don't think I could survive it."
Shortly after the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, I began a journal practice of forgiveness and gratitude. Gratitude came easily to me even in the midst of having been told I "had" a progressive neuromuscular disease with the help of my Chosen Dad, Bernie Siegel, MD. Forgiveness was more of a challenge for me yet I knew that I needed to experience forgiveness in order for my body to heal the wounds from my past.
Shortly after his death, I had a dream about him but have felt no connection with him on the other side until yesterday.
I was dreading another Father's Day with all the social media posts and pictures of fathers that had already begun on Friday.
I knew I would be able to just get through it as I get through Mother's Day every year but then The Five Pennies happened ... and as evening drew near, I looked out my office window and captured this photo:
The Five Pennies movie release date was 6/18/1959 just two weeks after I contracted paralytic polio. Back in the day, movies stayed around in theaters and we went to see it once I was able to get around with the help of crutches and a long metal leg brace.
On 6/15/2019, 60 years later, my father gave me a nudge and reminded me about the power of forgiveness, The Five Pennies and to heal my heart this Father's Day.
Thank you dad for all the blessings and lessons you brought into my life.
Thank you Bernie Siegel for being my chosen dad and helping to coach me back to health and wellness.
Thank you to all the wonderful mentors I had who believed in me and helped me become the woman I am today.
From my heart to yours
In Health and Wellness,
Mary
Be sure to visit my website at www.marymcmanus.com
Hear my interview with Kendra Petrone on Magic 106.7's Exceptional Women Show by following this link
My books are available on Amazon and "Feel the Heal" and "The Adventures of Runnergirl 1953" are available in Natick Center Cultural District at Paula Romero Dunbar's Celebration Boutique Paper Fiesta coincidentally located on Mile 10 of the Boston Marathon Route. Proceeds from the sale of books for June and July are being donated to The Joseph Middlemiss Big Heart Foundation to support Tom's Falmouth Road Race. You can also donate directly by following this link.
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