In yesterday's blog I talked about the mental health benefits of running. I shared how living with our adult daughter who suffers from severe psychiatric challenges affected me and how getting back to running, specifically racing is helping me to cope with the stress.
I am a retired licensed independent social worker. When it came to giving advice to the caregivers of my veterans, I was the expert! While I never glibly gave advice to my caregivers since I knew I wasn't in their shoes, it is always a lot easier to give advice than take one's own advice.
There is a big difference between knowing and doing!
To my own credit, I did continue to exercise, meditate and go for regular chiropractic treatments BUT often times the scale of stress would tip to offset the benefits of my self care habits.
When I was in the midst of crisis after crisis hoping that maybe this time the right combination of meds, or something within Ruth Anne would shift to improve her functioning, I became increasingly depressed and anxious. While there were times I would let go and let God, I'd come back to trying to control a situation over which I had no control!
While I know the Serenity Prayer, living the Serenity Prayer can be quite the challenge:
The depression and anxiety were insidious but once I became aware of what was happening through meditation, the extended hand of loving friends and journaling, I decided it was time to make a shift.
It was time for me to care for THIS caregiver.
One of the first steps I took after awareness of what was happening to me was to recognize that in fact I am a caregiver. While I have found creative ways to diminish the stress of being in this role, the truth is, there is a person living in my home who is unable to contribute to the household and who places demands on the resources and energy of our household.
UPDATE 10/2 One of the most stressful parts was not having a correct diagnosis and there was a feeling that everyone was just throwing darts at a dart board in terms of diagnosis and medications. This past August, with the help of the Divine and synchronicity, I realized that our daughter's condition is a neuropsychiatric condition known as PANS, the result of an autoimmune response to chronic infections she endured as a child and adolescent and infections that continue into adulthood. Most recently, I had to advocate to get her UTI fully treated and get an evaluation for urinary symptoms she was having that was diagnosed as chronic interstitial cystitis; more inflammation in her body that affects her mental status. Having a diagnosis and a good combination of medications helps but now that we realize the limitations that come with this condition, there has been an increase in what I need to do in my role as caregiver.
I am discovering ways to ease the stress and burden of being in the caregiver role - and it's amazing how God is in the details and how seemingly small things can make a really big difference in terms of stress - while paying more attention to how I can improve on and maximize my self care habits. My goal is for self care to not only mitigate against my stressful situation but to allow me to experience an improvement in my health and wellness and quality of life! I want to add life to my years not just years to my life.
I have increased my running to 2-3 times a week from one time a week.
I realized that the commute to my health club and looking for parking was creating stress. We are using our home gym more and investing in a bike to mix up the cardio when the inclement weather returns to Boston. I plan to run outdoors as much as possible.
I did research and discovered that the BU Fit/Rec Center has a pool that's just a ten minute drive from our house. We'll be able to go there one early morning a week when Tom works from home. When the weather gets warmer, we will take to the great outdoors for swimming either in the ocean or Walden Pond.
My meditation time is sacred time. I'm going to get a lounge chair for our lawn and the beach so I will be able to meditate outside.
I have scheduled appointments for chiropractic care through August making sure that I can get in to see Dr. Lizzie before and after her vacation time.
And speaking of vacation...Tom and I are making sure that we take time together for staycations and to get away together. Two weeks from Thursday we head back to Bermuda. We are going to Falmouth for the Falmouth Road Race (more on that in a later blog post and how giving to others and kindness is good for one's mental health). We are blessed with abundance to be able to travel.
It's hard to believe that one can keep a sense of humor in the midst of stress yet that is PRECISELY when humor is needed the most.
We are able to transform the stress with humor.
Just as there is always something you can find to laugh about, there is always something to be grateful for. I keep a gratitude journal and throughout the day take notice of what there is to be grateful for.
One of the things I am most grateful for is my village! I realize how much I isolated myself from people who love and support me. Well no more because connecting with like hearted people is vital for my mental health. I have coffee dates scheduled and will be attending more events that bring me joy.
Hydrate ... hydrate ... hydrate ...
While I may not have initially realized that I was getting pulled in the undertow of Ruth Anne's neuropsychiatric condition, the important thing is I became aware of it and am taking corrective action.
It's time I take care of this caregiver and I hope this inspires you with ideas you can use take to take care of you!
From my heart to yours
In Health and Wellness,
Mary
Be sure to visit my website at www.marymcmanus.com
Hear my interview with Kendra Petrone on Magic 106.7's Exceptional Women Show by following this link
My books are available on Amazon and at Paper Fiesta in Natick on Mile 10 of the Boston Marathon route.
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