On May 25, 2007, I left my award winning career as a VA social worker just 3 years shy of when I was eligible for retirement. Many thought it was a fool hardy thing to do. I knew in my heart and soul I had to heal my life from the once devastating effects of paralytic polio and trauma.
A question I am often asked during interviews about my journey is, "Weren't you angry about what happened to you? I mean you contracted paralytic polio at age 5. You endured years of abuse at the hands of family members and then you were diagnosed with a progressive neuromuscular disease as a result of the polio...Didn't that seem so unfair to you?"
When I was blessed to share the podium with Bill Rodgers at the Hyannis Marathon Pre Race Pasta Dinner in February, he commented with such tenderness and care after I gave my talk, "You know what's missing from Mary's story? She's not angry. Boy I know I would have been pretty angry if what happened to her happened to me."
I talked about the power of forgiveness and gratitude in my journey but also acknowledged that yes I was angry but realized that anger was not a path to healing and took away much needed energy for healing.
One of the poems I wrote early on in my healing journey was:
Royal Flush from "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life":
One could say I was dealt a hand of crummy cards to play
at first blush I would have to agree
bluffing became my way of life
playing my cards close to my chest
ever vigilant
shifting eyes
wondering
do I continue to play or fold?
The stakes were high
I could no longer up the ante
living on the edge
waiting to find freedom only in death
every day a living death
something had to give
new rules
unconditional love
trust
strength
courage
steadiness
releasing fear by experiencing fear
losing self consciousness
opening my heart.
I bet everything I had
riding on hope, faith and a prayer
“I’m all in”
putting my cards on the table
there it was
a royal flush!
It resonates with a quote from Cheryl Strayed:
This time 13 years ago, I knew I was at a crossroads in my life and it was time to play the hell out of the hand of cards I was dealt.
I emerged from the dark night of my mind, body and soul as a woman transformed from a survivor of paralytic polio and trauma to a poet, blogger, author, an endurance runner, an inspirational speaker, a spokesperson for the power of the mind/body connection and have been blessed to be featured in books and interviews.
I am so deeply grateful to my husband for telling me it was a no brainer to take that leap of faith.
I am so proud of the woman I have become and the work it has taken for me to get here. I carry that strength, resilience, guts, fiery spirit and determination with me and know that whatever challenge is presented to me, I can face it with the same grace and grit I used to face the challenge of Post Polio Syndrome.
There were moments early on when I debated whether or not to play or fold. I decided to play those cards with everything I had because I am NOT what happened to me. I get to choose who I am going to Be.
From my heart to yours
In health and wellness
Mary
Be sure to visit my website to learn more about my incredible journey from the diagnosis of a progressive neuromuscular disease to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond.
My books are available on Amazon.
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