“Toni Morrison said, "The function of freedom is to free someone else," and if you are no longer wracked or in bondage to a person or a way of life, tell your story. Risk freeing someone else. Not everyone will be glad that you did. Members of your family and other critics may wish you had kept your secrets. Oh, well, what are you going to do?”― Anne Lamott
After the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, a conditioned deemed as a progressive neuromuscular disease by Western Medicine standards, I set out on a quest to heal my life.
I had to find the courage to look into all those spaces and places I had kept tightly shut in order to survive childhood paralytic polio followed by years of enduring severe abuse at the hands of family members.
After getting still and asking for Divine Guidance, my pen became my Divining rod for healing as poetry poured out of my heart and soul. Out of the darkness of my past, my pen lit a spark which then became a torch leading the way to my freedom.
From "Feel the Heal: An Anthology of Poems to Heal Your Life":
During a meditation, the image of a pinball machine came to mind. I played pinball as a child and remembered the feeling of when the flippers connected with the ball and all the lights, bells and whistles went off. But for years I was used and abused by many. I made the conscious shift from victim to a free soul with:
The Pinball Machine
Put in the quarters feel the flippers I can now take hold
feeling in control more valuable than gold
for many years that little ball bouncing from side to side
racking up points for others and risking my own hide.
Now I’m the only one who plays the game of life is mine
to win I feel my freedom and let my Spirit shine.
Beautiful images came into my consciousness creating beautiful scenarios in which I was free in mind, body and soul.
The Shifting Sands of Time
She wades into the water past present and future swirl at her feet
wringing out with cleansing sobs tears bitter salty sweet.
Gazing on horizon contemplating all that went before
oddly grounded in this moment shifting sands upon the shore.
As seagulls soar above her they remind her she's now whole
from holy hell to journey well she traveled in her soul.
Drinking in the sunshine once doused fire now is lit
a brave and mighty Spirit running free she breaks the bit.
The warmth of sand between her toes her hair a mighty mane
resounding rhythm lapping waves echo life's refrain.
Unbridled joy and freedom breath heaving heart is light
footsteps sure and steady soon disappear from sight.
With an inner knowing smile drenched in sweat her pace can cease
no longer seeking she is found and walks her path of peace.
As I found my way to the sport of running, running set me free.
At the time of the diagnosis, I did not realize that I was trapped, wrapped in shackles by the pain of my past. Once I reconnected with the Divine within and around me, I was able to reclaim my life:
Leaving The Past Behind
I bring a message of hope – a harbinger of good news
like the first robin of Spring…
many the miles I’ve traveled
every step so worth it
Suppressing pain no hope for pleasure
fear and dread my constant travel companions
from exhilaration to exhaustion
no modulation of moods
unknowingly self-inflicted suffering
unaware the healing balm of Divine Love
ever present inside of me.
There’s a space within where fear once lived
tears rush in filling the void
irrigating the battlefield where once I wrestled with the Universe
trembling
lay claim to authentic self
rubbing wrists and ankles where shackles once chafed
the wounds fade into a barely noticeable scar
the pain opens the path to healing…
Strength, courage, confidence and wisdom found
depths of joy, humility and gratitude…
Letting go I celebrate
take flight and soar
formative experiences that drove me to prove myself
academic and professional accolades abound
but inside emptiness and pain…
I awaken
the purpose of my Being
coming into view
drowning out din from the past
going forth living fearlessly to claim my life
Letting go of stories
no longer wondering why
I Become
beckoning others to embody their Being
embracing treasures
feel the wonder and mystery of grace
wander no more
no more wondering why.
Swords lose their edge
fear bleeds out
Truth revealed
holes in the heart patched by Divine Love
tenderly ministered by earth Angels.
Forgive those who wielded the sword
compassion, grace and beauty prevail
appreciate magnificence and mystery
awe and wonder
fragile preciousness of Being
all is transformed by Grace
blessed with awakening from the horror
happy to be alive and free.
My sincerest hope is that through my journey and my poetry, others will be able to find the courage to speak their truth and find their path to healing and freedom!
From my heart to yours
In Health and Wellness,
Mary
Be sure to visit my website at www.marymcmanus.com
Hear my interview with Kendra Petrone on Magic 106.7's Exceptional Women Show by following this link
My books are available on Amazon and at Paper Fiesta in Natick on Mile 10 of the Boston Marathon route.
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